Change Blows

Ever feel like nostalgia is useless, because the people that were there making it all happen with you aren't anymore, or have changed?? It's not fair. We grow up and make so many great and funny memories and think when you are older you will sit back with that person and just smile and laugh. Those are also the memories you want to share with your kids one day. People say its times like those, good or bad, that teach us. Is that supposed to comfort us when we hit the wall that is reality? When you realize it was almost like a dream, and those people, those days are over. How is this part of growing up? I think its just a cruel version of reality that only some people have to deal with. Or maybe karma because at one time or another I along with a million and one other people were less than sickly sweet to some random person on the side of the road. I dont know anymore.
What really bites is that this applies to everyone some way, some how. This can fit your family, your friends, or even significant others. There is no way around this either, because you arent the only one who changed. The other half of that memory has too so if they do not miss it like you do, or feel like you arent worth it anymore then you are surely screwed and left to look like a sad little person stuck in the once was.

Usually I do NOT get this deep into something or go this far down into whiny mode, but it is pure reality, and as much as I hate it, I am dealing with it. No tissues no tears, maybe a little bitterness towards some select family or friends. But I have changed too I guess so maybe they blame me too? Who knows. Just know that I too am pissed at change sometimes. So if you are, then we are pissy together lol.

Summer is almost over :(

With summer's end quickly approaching there is a lot on my mind. Like my need to finish picking classes and stop being such a damn procrastinator. I also feel like a failure for not going home to Indiana to see my family the entire summer. It's mildly depressing.
I cannot wait to wear sweaters. I hate the cold, but I love the fall. Football season, back yard ball, and bonfires are all in my future and I cannot wait.
In all seriousness though, I have had the weirdest moods. Not bad moods but moods where I feel like if you gave me something creative or type A to do I would bring you back something epic. That feeling where you are thinking of one specific song all day but you don't know what it is because you have 9000 others swimming around in there right along with it LOL.
I miss hanging with my friends. We all went to Chris and Amanda's place last night, good times and pictures. You know, the usual. Billy and Rowan came with us too so it was a lot of fun.
We have to take Dusty home Tuesday though. That kind of blows.
Just another reminder that school is almost here. I love getting organized for school too, so my pent up energy will soon be put to good use.
Anyways work is wearing me out mucho bad so I am Audi 3000.
Peace!

Haven't posted since May !!!

So its been a good while since I have posted. I am enjoying my job (but want more hours lol) and had an amazing vacation in Myrtle Beach the week of the 4th. I went with Casey's dad, step-mom, brother and sister. It was such a good time. :) The past few days though have brought me to a cross roads of sorts. I still have so many thoughts running through my mind, and so many small decisions to make that will lead to some not so small changes here soon. I also have a few new or "renewed" goals that I have set for myself. First I want to be a better girlfriend to Casey, big sister to Jacob, friend to my amazing and wonderful friends, daughter to my parents, and granddaughter and niece to my amazing family I miss back home.
I want to be a size 4 by the time I go back to school in late August. I want more hours at work so I can save more money. I NEED to finish my FAFSA like yesterday. Casey and I would love to move across town into a friends apartment and share rent. It is a nice two bedroom town house set up and it would be quite economical as soon as I reach one of my other goals, get my bank situation taken care of.
On a lighter note, all this evening the things that keep flashing on my TV screen make me laugh and realize how stupid media is getting today lmao.

the recent events that have caused me to lapse on my blog :(

it has been a short while since i have posted anything. recently i got a job at dicks sporting goods. so far so good. met some cool new people. making money. i am not exstatic though. the store is never busy and i cannot stand boredom. i swear its a killer. and because golf is a major sport pretty much all year you get either really snobby rich golfers (mostly couples or old people. ladies are the worst) OR creepy business men that want to show off that they can afford to golf and hit on anything with female genitals. ewww. other than golf and the occasional sale there is no business there EVER. across the lot there is a new cheddars and olive garden, so business has picked up some but its baseball season and that is almost over so there is nothing going on. i think i start in apparel next week. it could be fun i think but at least when the rush hits and im on a register there is something to do. cleaning up after people who mess up clearance racks is not going to be awesome lmao. some lady dropped mentos on the floor and left it there. the candy counter is RIGHT in front of the registers so its not like i didnt see her do. she didnt care. oh well, all in all the job is cool so far.
other than that i just hang out with chelsey. which is always fun. there are some cool youtube videos coming up soon with some old high school friends. i hope casey will think its fun enough to do it with me. all i will say is pancake fight. maybe i can pop up into a friends newest vid for his channel.
saturday was my nieces first birthday party. her actual birthday is two days before mine and i love her to pieces. the party was quiet but a lot of fun and her momma ( who has been one of my best friends for 5 years) was glowing. it was soo sweet.
wow thats a lot to read just for me missing a few weeks. lol. my bad. as for tonight i am chillin at home alone while case is out at brandons playing wow. i gotta go help with some laundry so i will post later this week. oh i think i get paid on friday :) nice.

Job ?

Had an interview this afternoon. I feel like it went well and I have a follow up tomorrow evening. For some reason I am more nervous about this job and position than I have ever been about a part time job. But (fingers crossed) the woman that interviewed me did not seem too offended by me asking for the week of the vacation to Myrtle. Well I will be 20 in two days, and have not much else to say about that or these past few days. I will post when something awesome happens. Or on my birthday :)

I spent most of my day driving around with Rowan, Beth, and Chels looking for Silly Bandz. I had no idea what they were until Rowan and Chels told me lol. I am not old yet somehow am behind the times enough to not see some crazy scene kid trend lmao. I now have 6 different dinosaur themed colored bands. :)
I had a good time. Even ran into an old friend at the CVS and at the mall. But I came home, well to a friends house where we were all supposed to meet just for the boys to be assholes to me. They all have to say something hateful to me ever couple of minutes. The only person that catches more hell from me is probably an old friend from high school they play WOW with. Good Lord. The past few posts are nothing but little bits of fun nice ok-ness and the rest is the stuff that has been annoying or hurtful. Is my life that meaningless and pathetic? Am I that worthless. I made my niece Riley laugh today. Thats something I guess.
Case says he and I are spending most of tomorrow together. Just us time. I think that will be nice if he can stop being critical and making comments long enough. Maybe he will because Brandon and some other friends of ours won't be there to egg it on lol. My laptop is going wonky so I am gunna post this as is before it gets worse. Nitie nite.

IU Sweater

Woke up today and it was a little chilly relative to how awesome the weather has been the last couple of weeks. I still laid out anyway and got some more color. Which was nice but the breeze was not as inviting as most people say they are in the summer. After a long day of nippy weather and a cook out with Kris, my Indiana University sweater saved my life. Circa 1985. LOL.
Ya, Kris took me with her to a cookout her work friends were having. It was a great time, and I got some free food. However my allergies kicked my ass as soon as I got home. They had shelties that were the cutest things ever, then I had to have Monkie rub all over me. My eyes are burning and itching and my head hurts. Oh well should go away soon.
Mothers day tomorrow. I got Momma an awesome card. It is actually kind of funny. Due to allergy pain and discomfort I will post tomorrow or in a few days when there is something exciting going on.

Tie Dye, Potential Jobs, Apartments and Europe?

Anyone thought of making their bucket list? A friend of mine has one and it is all Casey talks about sometimes so I am considering making mine. One of those things is to go to Europe. We have a trip planned with dates, and an itenerary and what not but I still cannot find a freaking job to save any kind of money. I have to call around tomorrow. I also plan on putting in some more applications. I need a job so bad and there is no where hiring. AHHHHH
SO.... I spent most of the day hanging with Chris and Amanda and Rowan. In fact I made another tie dye shirt. There are some funny pictures that came out of that. Monkie sat with us on the back porch like a guard kitten all night. It was so cute. Final grades were posted for this term. I did ok. I want summer to go awesome and so far today has been the only good day. Tomorrow should be fun though. Hanging with Kris all day. That is always a good time.
A new opportunity has arisen as of late. Chris and Amanda have a spare room and could use the help. They want us to live with them on the other side of town. Cost and area are great. Only thing is I need a job for this plan to work out. Mothers day is Sunday and I got mom a card. I just hope she realizes I miss her and I am trying to make her proud.
I miss when things were simpler. Don't get me wrong, today was a good day but I just want things to fall into place a little faster than they are. I will write when there is something interesting or nice to write about.

Summer??

Am I the only one without a summer job?! Yup!! The last of my group of my friends other than myself without a job has an interview soon. I am happy for him but it is a reminder that I still feel worthless and do not have a job. I mean there are a few of my friends that also have no job but they have parents that will always throw monies at them so....
I just want to say (or type) out loud that when someone talks about shit they know nothing about I get really pissed off and want to hit them in the mouth. It's like honestly?? If I wanted some bullshit answer or response to what I said to trigger their freaking word vomit then I would type it into Google.
Someone tried to tell me I don't want a Blackberry and that I don't want nor do I need internet on my phone. Granted I don't need it but I personally have played with a Blackberry. One of my best friends, my mom, and boyfriends mom all have one. It solves arguments lol. Anyways then this same person tried to tell me and my boyfriend that living on our own was a bad idea and in a round bout way his conclusion was mooching till you can't getting anything else out of the moochee then live on your own. Seriously?! I lived on my own, and it was not a piece of cake. Hell I did it alone and sure I struggled. We are older, a little more grown up than the last time I had a place, and the new living situation (hypothetical thus far) will involve another couple so financially its not going to be a burden. His thing was we are in school and are only long term time off the save the money needed is the summer. This man is not currently enrolled in any college so he knows not of the struggles. Nor does he know what it means to want a job so damn bad.

Forgive my ranting. Its just been a few days and A TON to blog about. LOL.
Like this afternoon I took one of my dogs to the vet for his poor lil paw. He was limping all day. Then went to my old high school for a band concert a friend was in. It was cool I guess. More nostalgic than anything because the people I went with were all in my graduating class and good friends of mine so it was like a goofy redneck walk down memory lane. You would have to go to my old high school to understand why redneck was thrown in there lol.
Oh and I don't like grocery shopping on my own. Its one of those things you don't know you hate until you have to do it again. I really do not mind to go out and grab things for the family here at the house but some how its only ever walmart and going there by myself is literally maddening. I mean that both ways too. Like I get angry, and I lose my mind all in the hour or so it takes me to grab the weeks groceries. And tomorrow is our monthly big trip for staple items. LMAO how Martha did I just sound??!
Well I am going to quit for now. Tomorrow I will post something a whole lot more fun and nice. I will be cleaning house and tanning all day hopefully with a good friend of mine.
Love. Stas.

Saturdays. What are they for?

So its saturday and another one of those days where I am sitting in bed watching youtube videos and listening to Case tell me if it was legal he would try and duct tape my mouth shut, or sell me to some poverty stricken country. Biggs is visiting family in some far off land. SO here I am left to ponder....
What are saturdays actually for? Most people will list sleep, friends and homework/paperwork in some order. But at some point we all take the "dead cell" or "flu like symptoms" approach and blow off plans we made with friends or somehow put off studying for half the day.
I am not the only one to do this and I know it. But I feel lazy and worthless when I take that approach and have decided that my saturdays are now going to be designated "better myself" days. Like today I tried a new restaurant. Ok I kind of cheated because I have eaten there before but literally only twice before. And in my defense I tried the pizza there for the first time. It was awesome by the way lol. I also shared my love of the Kill Bill movies and 28 Weeks Later and convinced (along with much input from Casey) our friend Chris to watch them tonight. So far I think he is liking 28 Weeks.
Anyway tell me if there is something you all do every saturdays or most saturdays in place of the mundane video game marathon or local shopping mall trips.
Later :)

Hello to the NEW Blog

Some time after 2:30-ish Wednesday I will be done with school for the year. I am so amped. SO....
what kind of ruckus will I be getting into this summer? Who knows at this point. I can say that tomorrow I am supposed to hear from someone about a job interview so lets keep those fingers crossed!!
I know I am blogging to some old Beatles music. They will always be one of my first musical loves lol.
Tomorrow is one day closer to being done for term. Only 3 classes and 1 test. However, one of the classes I have MWF is with the most inept teachers I have ever had for any subject. And she has lost my entire class folder. I know everyone is like, oh Stas you are irresponsible and you lost it. No I say. Said professor is notorious for being scatter brained and in turn mutilating some student grades. It has happened to past students so tomorrow is either ending with a trip to the dean or an exempt for the folder. I totally do awesome in this class too.
Oh and at noon I have a test in Bio. The tests in that class are hardcore but I have done well this term so some studying should ensure another decent grade. LOL.
I am quite excited about my new blog and hope I can keep up with this one. After a few months I lost track of my blog and quit posting. I will try for new posts every couple of days til school is out. More in the summer months lol. Until next time, peace love and luck :D